Monday, March 23, 2009

When Hunger Strikes

Image by ElinJernberg

I'm curious how many other out there have that dark angry side of them I like to call, the Blood Sugar Bitch.

It was my boyfriend, Nick and my two-year anniversary. We decided to start the celebration with a cocktail out on the front porch. Life was good and we chatted happily as the sun sank. It was decided we'd get head out to my favorite restaurant Magnolia Grill for a lavish celebratory dinner.

"I'm just gonna get dressed honey" I say as I head to my bedroom to freshen up.
"Take your time, I'm in no rush" Nick sweetly replies as he pours himself another cocktail.

It happens so subtly and so quickly that you don't even have time to take action until it's too late. One minute I'm humming to myself as I put on make-up and the next I'm cursing and screaming "I don't have anything to wear!" As I frantically pull clothes from the closet and throw them violently on the floor. I scream out again. "I don't have a damn thing to wear!" But I'm not the only one who's been overtaken by the Blood Sugar Bitch.

"What's taking you so long! We should have left 30 mins ago!" Nick angrily yells up to me.
"Shut-up you JERK! How dare you talk to me like that!"

We have now reached the initial Blood Sugar Bitch Stage 1. After a few more fits of panicked rage an equally angry Nick manages to get me into the car. It's at this point I decided that my outfit looks so bad, there's no way I can possibly go out to a nice dinner. Now please understand that I'm a flip-flops and jeans kind of gal. I'm not normally one to obsess about my clothes in this manner. I decide that I can't go anywhere until I have outfit validation, and the only other person around to ask is my younger brother, George. The poor guy never saw it coming.
"Well, honestly Mary, I have seen you in better looking, classier outfits. I mean, this one looks just fine, it's just not your best."

So now Nick and I are back in the car, headed home again so I can change. This is when Blood Sugar Bitch reaches stage 2. I break down in tears.
"What's wrong now?!"
"I'm hungry!!"

We now, for the first time, realize what has happened. We've been through this together many times before, and have an emergency plan in place. Find food immediately. I would have eaten a bag of raw popcorn kernels on the spot, but it was our anniversary and I had my heart set on a special meal.

"Sushi!" Nick cries out frantically. "It's the closest nice place. We can be eating apps in 8 mins flat"
I can hear the desperation in his voice and I begin my practiced breathing techniques as we drive to the restaurant. I should mention that once I realized that the Blood Sugar Bitch has taken over, I'm not allowed to talk. So we ride in silence each praying that there won't be a wait.

Min of 1.5 hour wait. I almost break down in tears again.
"Are we gonna break-up on our two-year anniversary" Nick genuinely asks.

We then head immediately to Harris Teeter and buy three frozen pizzas and a celebratory boxed cheesecake which I ate frozen in the car.


  1. Hey! The Blood Sugar Bitch is such a pretty, gritty way to put it. I may start using it with my boyfriend.

    In fact, The Blood Sugar Bitch reared her irrational head last night when Joe (my boyfriend) broke my favorite Mexican salt shaker.

  2. haha this is sooo funny and true for me, too! I just ran across your etsy shop and through that your blog. I LOVE your artwork! It's so lovely. I'll be bookmarking your blog & shop and hope to purchase something soon :)


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